The WHO and WHY of I am
It’s a gorgeous, sunny day. I drop my husband off to walk with a friend at Kendall Yards and head to the 'My Fresh Basket' to hang out till they’re done. And there, sitting down on the cement, is a young man with his back leaning against the wall by the entrance door. His head is down, elbows against his knees, and hands holding a cardboard sign reading:
Its my 30th BirTHday and I got Nothin
So I plop myself right next to him, knees up, elbows on my knees, head resting on my folded hands.
“Hey, my name is Judy.”
“I’m Joshua.”
“Is today really your 30th birthday, Joshua?”
“Yip”.
He’s nice looking young man, eyes, though dim, are a beautiful blue. His “yip” reveals a couple missing teeth.
“Well, Joshua, there is NO way you are turning 30 today without a celebration! Are ya hungry?”
“Nah.” He puts his head back against his knees. Then he looks at me out of the corner of his eye with a bit of a twinkle.
”Although, some Haagen-Dazs black cherry ice cream sure might taste good!” We both chuckle.
“Don’t go away. I'll go get some of that ice cream.”
And I do, along with some yummy hot soup, a couple of forks and paper plates, a big spongey cake cookie, some candles and matches, and a birthday card in which I write a message, and throw in some money.
That all takes a little longer than anticipated, and by the time I head back outside, Joshua is gone! I see him standing on the sidewalk at the edge of the market. He motions that the security officer shooed him away saying he can’t be there.
So I toddle up to the security guard.
“Sir, that gentleman over there--his name is Joshua. And today is his 30th birthday. And he and I are going to have a birthday celebration at one of these outdoor tables. You are welcome to join us, if you’d like. And if you need to shoo him away again, please… wish him a Happy Birthday!”
So Joshua and I spend close to an hour together. I light the candle on his cookie right next to a generous scoop of the black cherry ice cream, and we sing happy birthday together. He shares his once upon a time dream of opening a candle business before Covid hit and wiped him out. He fondly talks about his mama and where he is from. I listen as long as he wants to talk. And then I ask him if I can read his card to him, in case he can’t read my shaky handwriting. He nods.
Joshua,
Happy birthday wonderful you! I would like to share a verse from my favorite book, the Bible. It is out of the book of Isaiah who is writing as if God is speaking:
“I have called you by name, you are mine.
You are precious in my sight and honored. And I love you”
Oh, Joshua, God loves you dearly! 30 might just be the perfect birthday for new beginnings!
I look right into those dim blue eyes, as I recite the rest of the message:
I’ll be praying for you, birthday boy!
love, Judy
I hand him the card.
His weary eyes pool with tears, he smiles, thanks me, we hug,
and off he goes.
It has been said that “The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why” (often attributed to Mark Twain).
E.E. Cummings also said:
“It takes courage to grow up and be the person you really are”.
Dear Joshua seemed to have lost track of the who and the why of his 30 years old life…if he ever even tapped into it. Perhaps it had something to do with candles? He’s not alone. So many of us are in that same aimless boat. As we get older, the who and why of our lives can fade.
Howard Thurman said:
“There is in you something that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself…. You are the only you that has ever lived; your idiom is the only idiom of its kind in all the existences, and if you cannot hear the sound of the genuine in you, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.”
I remember exactly where I was when I caught my first glimpse into WHO I genuinely was. It was 1971, during an improvisational dance exercise in college, where I was a modern dance major. Although I was already a committed Christian of 4 years, I was confused. Many of my dance colleagues thought my faith was archaic and absurd. Many of my Christian friends thought dance was sinful. Yet I knew my Christian conversion happened on the dance floor! Yes, I was using a fake ID. Yes, it was a smoke filled bar room. But Jesus knew I wouldn’t be in church or a Young Life meeting. I would be at Toologies Bar, dancing to Acid Rock music!
And that improvisational dance exercise prompt 4 years later? “Define what is chaining your life and why.” Without even planning to, I found myself dancing Hebrews 12:12-15 as if it were written just for me:
“Therefore, (Judy), lift up your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.”
And it was then, as I moved, for the first time, to the words of the Bible I had been devouring for the past 4 years, that I experienced my WHO.
My Christian friends and dance colleagues were wrong! The me of me intuitively knew that my dance and my faith were Psalm 139-ly intertwined. That knitting together part, that knowing me right well, part, that how precious to me are Your thoughts part, that search me, oh God, and know my heart part. Henceforth, God’s searching for and finding me, over and over, would be through a holistic, integrated journey of body, mind and spirit. And I felt the unmistakable and rooted sense of the WHO of I am along with an expansive sense of being loved… be loved-ness. Scripture was not archaic and superfluous, but vital and personal. WHO I was, was created to be invited, through Jesus, into intimate nearness with my Creator, to communicate with the living God, and therein to be blessed with instruction, equipping, perspective and connection. That day was my “Let me introduce you to YOURSELF,” calling card.
Do you remember a calling card time in your life? When your own set of somatic knowings, cerebral tendencies and organic predilections revealed a knowing glimpse into your signature ways of BE-ing that set you apart as singular, noteworthy, miraculous, or as we are deemed in Ephesians, a masterpiece.
Are you living into what makes you most alive? When the WHO of you, best knows WHO’s you are, and is most receptive to WHO God is in your life.
The who and why of you has much to do with what is yours to do. It is not simply seeing and believing in Jesus. It is what we do next. What are you doing when you find yourself thinking, “I was made for this?”
Well, perhaps you were!
And when that aha of who we are meets someone’s need, or encourages them to recognize their uniqueness… then we participate in the cosmic dance, the Perichoresis—the Trinity’s own dance of relationship.
So what is the backbone, the nerve center, the heart of the who and the why of you?
And what in the world are you supposed to do with that?
As Howard Thurman has also said:
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, go and do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
This post draws from Judy’s sermon, which you can watch here.